I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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