He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
