he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
