What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
