I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
