I'm jealous of your bromance
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
