i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
