I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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