I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
