also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
