Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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