Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
