you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
