this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
