Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize