Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You ate ashes out of my bong
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