he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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