How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
