I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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