He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
