A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
