Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
