I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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