I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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