The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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