So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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