I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
