i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
