Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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