if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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