the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And my parents said I crawled through the house
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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