Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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