i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
