Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
