Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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