i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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