I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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