Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
