I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
