no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
