does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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