dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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