I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
