she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
