Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
