i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
