Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
