Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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