We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
