Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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