...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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