I wannas sexs uuuuu
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
