I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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