You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
