I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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