can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
