I have demons in me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
