hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
