Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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