I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
