my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
