i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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