i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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