nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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