hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
