I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
