the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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