You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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