I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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