my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
